Going Buggy

I hate bugs.   Not just a little dislike, but a giant, deep down in my gut hate for all things creepy crawly. I was reminded of this tonight as a tiny little flying bug made it's way to my reading lamp after all was peaceful and quiet at my house.  You know the type.  They are tiny, but they fly around the light bumping into lamp shades.  It was making me crazy and there really is a funny story about this particular bug that I will get to in a minute but first I must share with you some reasons that I developed this animosity towards bugular (yes, I just made up that word) creatures.

We were campers when I was young.  Go ahead, laugh if you must.  It's hard to imagine but it is true.  We spent many a summer in a pop-up camper traversing this great nation as we tried to cram as many national parks as we could into a two week period before school started for the fall.  I have never been a fan of camping.  I don't like cold, rain, wet clothes, dirty clothes, no showers, outhouses, dirt or bugs.  There are a few things I do really like about camping: basically, graham crackers, marshmallows and chocolate bars!!!!  Two of my terrifying bug tragedies happened in these formative camping years miles away from any kind of medical help.   I warn you, this may not be appropriate for young ears.  For some reason, I was tent camping (I think maybe I got kicked out of the camper because we had too many people on that trip).  I was lying there in my sleeping bag, cozy as a bug....yeah, no, when across my face walks a ginormous spider.  Little jerk took a stroll right across my nose.  I screamed for reinforcements which were much too late in coming and were much too incapacitated from their fits of laughter to be of any help in finding this spider in my tent.  Thus, in the theme of one of my greatest nightmares I had to sleep with a spider in my tent.  (It really was a giant spider, at least close up.)

The second incident definitely sealed the hatred I have for bugs, especially those of the winged variety.  Those who know me, know that I have an exceptionally irrational fear of moths and grasshoppers, but moths in particular.   These things are the devil's handmaidens.   During another camping trip, a small moth lost its way enroute to heaven knows where, probably hell, and made a sharp left turn into my ear canal.  Have you ever had one of those itty bitty, tiny gnats fly up your nose while you are out playing ball or catching frisbee? It's such a annoying little feeling for a second, but then you put a finger aside your nose and shoot that thing right out of there.  A moth in your ear is a little like that, basically a much larger gnat, on crack cocaine, in your ear canal.  As I calmly call for a parental figure to come help me, I begin to hyperventilate.  Being a small child and having brothers with vivid imaginations, I am sure that this moth is burrowing it's way into my brain and laying cute, furry little caterpillar babies that will then become moths themselves and fly around in my brain forever.  Hey, I was like 8.   As we contemplate how to remove the moth, who has decided that shifting into reverse is more than his little grain of sand brain can handle we come up with a couple really lame ideas.  One such idea is that we can put a straw in the opposite ear and blow it out.  Keep up here, 8 year olds.  Another suggestion is to take a match to its rear like you might do to a tick and see if it backs out.  My thought process on this (even as an 8 year old) is that while in theory that may work, I think we are just going to piss it off. Do moths bite?  Never mind.  So, as I feel little fluttery wings in my ear canal and think about throwing up my 30 s'mores I had for dinner, we come to the conclusion that we will just have to go in after the sucker.  Thus, with tweezers in hand (by the way, who brings tweezers on a camping trip?) my parental goes in and nabs the moth and pulls it free from its death trap of ear wax and camp dirt, never to fly again.

These two terrible tragedies in my young life scarred me forever and have created this phobia of all bugs.  This and the sheer stupidity of other bugs.  The last incident that caused me irreparable damage was right here in Mesa at a local Chili's restaurant. I was walking up the sidewalk with my boys, heading out for some chips and queso, when we walk into a small swarm of grasshoppers.  You know there is a reason that grasshoppers were part of the plagues of Egypt.  They not only destroy crops but that make people go slowly insane.  They do not file their flight path ahead of time, there is no rhyme or reason to their flight pattern. As we tried to dodge our way through this small swarm, I was kamakazied by a lone grasshopper.  He flew right into my forehead at full speed ahead, where he became momentarily stunned and immediately dropped straight down into my shirt.  This is a dilemma of epic proportions. Not one to be taken lightly.  The grasshopper, though momentarily stunned will surely wake up and probably soon.  My options are really only two-fold. I can disrobe on the sidewalk at Chilis and scar my children forever or I can disrobe and scream, scarring probably them and anyone else walking.  Unfortunately, as I am weighing these options, Mr, Grasshopper decides to come out of his coma.  So, I calmly do what any sane person would do in this situation.  I jump up and down, holding my shirt as far away from my body as possible and scream for help.  What kind of help this might be, I have no idea, but help was definitely needed.  Lucky for that little bugger (pun intended) is that he dropped right out the bottom of my shirt and onto the sidewalk where he escaped certain death by stomping.

What does this have to do with my little bug at my lampshade you ask?  Aren't you glad you asked?  These little bugs play pinball in the lampshade.  Bouncing from the shade to the light and back to the shade again.  Ping, bonk, ping, bonk (that's the bug noise as it hits the light, shade, light...).   It's a little annoying, but not really loud.   Except that it's a bug.  In my room.  In my space.  In my peaceful, every else is asleep place.  Plus, what if it waits until I'm asleep and walks on my face, or flies in my ear or...you get the idea.  And then the bug starts nosediving from what seems to be ceiling height.  It is a lot like an eagle gaining height and catching wind, coming in for his prey at 80 miles an hour.  Except that it's an annoying little creature dive bombing my shade.  I must, of course, defeat this bug.  The only real way to do that is to turn off all the lights except one.  The one I choose is the bathroom light where it is low enough to smack the bug with a shoe... on the mirror....hmmm.   Well, I can use a flip-flop and not smack it but just gently push it into the mirror, except that crunching bug sounds make me gag.  What to do.  It's late, I'm tired,  I'm going to bed, that bug won't win.  I'll just lay here and dare him to come back. And he does.  So I sleep, under the covers, my entire body wrapped in a sheet so as not to have the angry bug attack me as I slumber.

Did I tell you that I hate bugs?

Ready for a God weekend?

So... this weekend is Women's Retreat weekend.  I have mixed feelings about women's retreats.   I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the time that I get to spend with all the ladies, some whom I have known forever and some whom I have never met.  That makes it a great weekend in itself.  The part of it that I don't always look forward to is that God usually uses the weekend to "work" on me:)   Part of being a growing believer is that God is constantly reminding us of the things that we need to change or mature in our lives. Our theme this weekend is "Becoming a woman who...".   We left the theme open because we know that even though our speakers have specific topics that they will be sharing with us, God may have a different agenda for each of us.  God will use the topics and the small group times and the worship and the fun to speak to us individually through the weekend and help us to hear what He wants us to hear.  He will speak into our lives if only we will listen:)   Hope you've got your ears and eyes open for the message God wants you to hear.  Maybe this weekend is just about encouragement for you... be ready!!  If you aren't attending the retreat, please be praying for those who are, so that they will be in an open and ready place to receive God's word, which is healing, transforming, uplifting, convicting, and much more.  Can't wait for tomorrow!!!

Fun House Mirror - Are we distorting Jesus?

I've been really slacking in trying to keep up a blog, but I've decided to try again!  Here goes!

At church the week after Easter, Kevin told our congregation about a new mission statement that we have for Spring of Life.  It is "Inviting you to a better life".    Who doesn't want that?  Who wouldn't want a better marriage, better parenting tips, better character, better financial situation, better life overall?   No one that I know.  I sometimes forget that some people who don't know Jesus don't even have the opportunity to see who He really is, because we don't portray Him well.  Have you ever seen yourself in one of those fun mirrors?  It is a mirror that takes your reflection (which in a real mirror is almost a perfect copy of yourself) and distorts it dramatically.  It may may you really short and stocky, or really skinny (I might have to carry that mirror around with me on a dolly), or really crooked.   If we claim to know Jesus, but don't live according to how He asks us to, people see a warped version of Jesus that really doesn't lead them to a "better life".  Jesus is the only way to better:)   Something to think about as we are making decisions about our lives and how we live them.  Who do you want to help lead to a better life with Jesus but may be hindering because of your lifestyle?  Time to start living what we believe!!  That's the challenge.

Hottest Month Ever

This August is the hottest month ever in Phoenix. I'm not just saying it's been really hot and I'm tired of it, which I am, but the weather lady said it's actually the hottest month EVER! It's really hot and annoying in Phoenix right now, over 110 degrees for the last 10 days. The kids can't even go out for recess (poor teachers)! So, I find myself complaining and reshuffling things so I don't have to be out in the heat and staying in when I should maybe be out.

Kinda like life:) When things get a little hot (or a lot hot:) I find myself complaining and reshuffling things to be out of the heat and staying inside. Is that what God wants from us? To run and hide when it's too hot to be out? Of course not. But...you say! I don't want to get heat stroke. That's a fair argument, heatstroke isn't especially fun. But neither is isolation and fear. God wants us to put on our sunscreen (or Satan screen, as the case may be) and pull up our big girl panties and get out in the heat where the action is. What are we waiting for...we've got the Son screen with the best protection ever!!