Hey you... a child is born.. it's JESUS!

Jonah was in a play this December called "The Best Christmas Pageant Ever". Do you remember this book? Or the old movie with Loretta Swit? We rented it so the boys could see it. I vaguely remembered hearing the story before, but didn't remember it exactly. The basic story line is about a church's Christmas Pageant that has always been the same, year after year... the same girl playing Mary, the same boy playing Joseph. But this year the "bad" kids (a family of 5 kids) want to be in the pageant and EVERYONE thinks that it will be ruined.

Of course, we know that the happy ending must be fulfilled by the pageant being spectacular and the best ever, thus the title. But the story doesn't really come to fruition in the way that we might think it should. It's not just that the play is better than the year before, but that it's seen through different eyes.

The story is the same every year... never changing. It's always about Mary and Joseph and Jesus and the manger and a star and shepherds and angels and wise men. The difference has to be in how we see the story.

I saw this play several times (of course, because Jonah was in it). It's all humor and fun and laughing until the actual pageant begins and even then there is some humor. The wise men bring a ham (from their welfare basket), crisco oil and a fire truck toy. (You'll have to read the book to see why those gifts. The angel is hysterical... shouting "Hey, Hey... unto you a child is born...it's JESUS... go to the barn and see him"! But then the story takes a change in tone and the oldest of the 5 kids who is playing Mary (and these are kids that didn't even know the Christmas story before this) is sitting at the manger and begins to softly cry as she holds the baby Jesus. Since the show had been so humorous I did not expect to be moved, but I was in tears right along with her (as was most of the audience). Here was a young girl hearing the Christmas story for the very first time and reacting to the wonder of seeing and holding the baby Jesus (as though he were really Jesus). To see the wonder and beauty of the story through the eyes of someone seeing it for the first time was incredibly moving.

And so, when I saw the play a second time, I was prepared for this section in the show and knew that I would be fine... but once again I was moved to tears, as was the entire audience (and several moms who were seeing it again:) Each time I saw it I was dissolved into a blubbering mess and as I contemplated this I came to a huge realization.

The reason that this was so moving to me, to see this young girl experience the joy and wonder of the birth of Jesus was that I hadn't felt that joy and wonder surrounding this event for a while. I have found myself becoming more cynical and more hard hearted as I get older and the amazing things about being a Christian do not always seem so amazing. I forget about the wonder of the birth of Jesus and what a miracle it was. Mary and Joseph alone and most likely afraid, giving birth in a stable and wrapping Jesus in "waddled up clothes" and laying Him in the manger. The shepherds hearing the angels, going to worship Jesus. The wise men, following the star and bringing gifts. It's all a miracle.

So this Christmas as I watched our "Christmas pageant" at church (really our Christmas Eve services, but our version of the pageant) I closed my eyes and listened to the story. I listened as though I'd never heard the story before. I heard the message and the music as if I'd never read a word about Mary and Joseph and Jesus! And I could hear the angel shouting "Hey, Hey... unto you a child is born...it's JESUS... go to the barn and see him"!

And I did!! And it was wondrous!

Jumpin In!

My sister-in-law Jennifer posted this picture of my brother Blaine and nephew Jesse on facebook and I was so struck by the look of joy on Jesse's face that I couldn't help but write. I had the immediate sense that this is how we look when we've discovered all that our lives can be when we give them over to Christ.

I imagine that Jesse had some trepidation as he was entering the water and climbing on his father's back. Who wouldn't? This photo was taken on the Missouri River. I don't know how deep it is, but I assume it's deeper than Jesse is tall:) Isn't that how life is? Deeper than we are tall! There is so much about life in Christ that is amazing. Mercies that are new every morning! Everlasting life! Life and life abundantly! Sometimes I feel like Jesse...I'm just going to grab on to the back of my Father and hang on for dear life, because we are going for a ride.

I love that my life in Christ is not predictable. Where would be the fun in that? The excitement, the desire, the fear:) Fear, you ask? How can there be fear in the blessing? Box... Me... outside! That's how. God asks me to step outside of my comfort zone and my little, itty, bitty, I completely know what's coming next, box, so that I can experience the joy and blessing of something greater than I can ever imagine. My comfort box is pretty small and doesn't always have room for a lot of joy... how about yours? Is there enough room in it for a ride on the Missouri River or do you just want to hang out on the dock? Me... I'm jumping in!

An Unwelcome Visitor

I had an old friend (and I use the term friend extremely loosely) come visit this past weekend. I only use the word friend, because she's been a companion for 35 years. She's probably known me longer and better than anyone. She's is not a welcome friend...in fact, just the opposite. I would never willingly invite her over for a visit.

She is me... my depressive me. I have a companion who is closer to me than even my husband or my kids. She shows up unexpectedly and stays for a day, a week, a month. This week she only stayed for a day or two. No matter how long she's stays, she is extremely unwelcome.

If you are at all like me, you like to have your homes cleaned up when we have guests come to visit. We like to dust and vacuum and put the dishes away (or at least in the dishwasher:). I know that I want to be prepared when people come over. Unfortunately, depression is a visitor that comes unannounced. There's no way to prepare for it. No housecleaning (figuratively speaking) happens before it shows up. No way to make sure that you are ready for it's visit.

I've lived with depression long enough to know that I am two different people. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a split personality:), but I do have 2 distinct personalities depending on whether I'm depressed or not. The non-depressed me is fun, funny, likes to have people over, throws parties, plays with her kids, is kind to her husband. The depressed me is EGR. Extra Grace Required. My personality changes when my depression comes to visit. I don't want to be out and about. I become reclusive, unable to believe that anyone wants to be with me as an EGR. I don't enjoy being out and about at all, I yell at my kids, I'm mean to my husband. I'm sad, sad, sad. My husband knows this about me, but not everyone does. Most people still don't understand depression and think I'm just being kinda witchy. Even in this day and age with openness about mental health, I've had people ask me if I can't just "will" myself out of a depression. That's like asking a cancer patient why they can just think happy thoughts about chasing away the cancer cells and expecting it to happen.

Thankfully, with help from God, my husband and a couple medications (please don't email me to tell me the evils of medication for mental health, you'll never change my mind...I'll take it the rest of my life so that I can enjoy a better quality of life than I had before meds) I can live more days as me and not as my alternate EGR.

Today I just wanted to write about something very near to me and my family and let you know some of the ins and outs. You all probably know someone with a mental health issue. Please look at them in a new light this week. No one chooses depression, no one means for it to make your life more difficult (though we understand that it does sometimes), no one chooses to be EGR, no one wants to live that way, they aren't able to change it on their own.

I still pray constantly that God will heal me. I COMPLETELY believe that He can. For whatever reason He has chosen to not do that, I'm unsure. But, I know that because I am not healed I can share with you all what it's like to be on this side of the fence. I know you have to live with us, but let me remind you it's much more difficult on this side of the fence. We wish we were on your side:) Remember that when talking with your own special EGR this week.

Blessings to you all

Your favorite EGR friend

Brenda

I Hate Gravity... and other words of wisdom from little boys.

My children are the most hysterical children on the face of the earth. I'm not just saying that because I'm their mom... it's actually true. They even find themselves hysterical most times:) So today, I want to share some of their words of random wisdom so that you too can learn from the masters!

As I get ready to impart this great knowledge upon you, you must know that each, and perhaps, everyone one of the pearls have come from great moments of randomness. At times, no explanation, just the vomiting of great words. Other times, a subject being discussed and a random thought "squirrel" arrives and then just as quickly departs to another world, usually the world of the almighty IPOD TOUCH! A place where the black hole of Mother words fall deep and far from ears, and where young boys are sucked into an alternate universe with no hope of communication with their mother.

Our first words of wisdom: "I hate gravity." These amazing words of wisdom were given during a near sleep experience in the car... when Benny bolted straight up and told us what was on his mind, before laying back down in a near stupor! Imagine the greatness of it...it needs no explanation. "I hate gravity". I'll have to give you that one, buddy. My 46 year old body totally agrees with you there.

Next: We must note that this statement came following the I Hate Gravity statement, also with no lead in to know what the boy was thinking. "I don't want to be midget when I grow up!" He seemed very concerned about this, and I thought to myself, where have I failed my son in that he thinks he CAN become a midget when he grows up.

Another, I know you can hardly wait: "Dad, you can give mom a little sugar in the pool, but not too much. Too much sugar is creepy." Seriously... creepy? I realize that boys may think mom and dad kissing and hugging is a little gross, somewhat embarrassing, but creepy?

After 3 trips to Home Depot to finally get the right parts to fix the sprinkler, only to realize that it wasn't broken there in the first place. It was broken elsewhere, making this part not work. Jonah, realizing he needs to encourage his dad after the 3rd failed trip, says "Dad, you missed it by THAT MUCH!" Ouch! Need I say more.

One of my favorite words of wisdom came from Benny when I happened home from a walk one day to find him sitting at the top of the roof. As I began to panic, as any good mother would, and YELL at him to get his behind down off the roof and what was he thinking being on the roof, etc. Benny said, "Mom, calm down...breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out!" Stinker!! Of course, I did as he asked and then told him calmly to get down off the roof or I would tan his hide! So he went to the back of the house and calmly did a backflip, landing on his back on the trampoline (from the roof), such as a trapeze artist might exit his ridiculously crazy trapeze act that he's worked on for 10 years... aaarrrrggggghhh!

My very favorite words of wisdom that come from both of my boys are these: Mom, Love you to infinity +1 and if you say +1, I'll keep adding 1 to that. That's how much I love you". Well, little (maybe not so little anymore) boys of mine... That's how much I love you too +1 + infinity +1.

Words of wisdom from boys unencumbered by life experiences. They call 'em as they see 'em!

Gotta love Jonah and Benny!!

Freedom is most definitely not even close to being free

I've heard the phrase "freedom is not free" many times throughout my life. When I was young, I didn't really know anyone who was active in the military, so the phrase didn't seem to have much meaning for me personally. As I've grown older (I know it's hard to believe, but I am older:), I've come to appreciate that phrase in so many different ways.

Probably one of the most moving times that phrase has come to life for me was when I was visiting "Ground Zero" in New York City on 9/11. This was a couple years after the twin towers were hit. We decided to go down to the site on September 11th because the date had such special meaning. What we found once we arrived was one of the most overwhelming emotional and spiritual moments that I've ever had.

We started out by the church near where the twin towers used to stand. This is the church where many of the people sought refuge when the towers were hit, where many of the workers took refuge while searching for survivors and then during the rescue process and where many family members came to try to find out about their loved ones. In front of this church on the street was a ginormous bell on a trailer. The man in charge of the bell said that they took this bell all over the country to places where tragedies had happened and they would ring the bell in mourning. He then asked if we would like to ring the bell. Part of me said "no, that's much too personal", but another part of me really wanted to ring that bell. I can't say that ringing the bell put me any closer to those who were grieving family members, but it definitely put is in the emotional place of feeling a part of that day.

As we continued on, there was a fire station directly across from the twin towers...right across the street. When the towers were hit, the fireman at that station responded immediately and thus, most of them were lost. As we rounded the corner, we were struck by an amazingly haunting and beautiful sight. There, in front of the station, were many, many fireman in their dress uniforms. As we began to pass the station, they called a final call and all the firemen stood at attention. It was a surreal moment. We watched as grown men (big, grown men) stood at attention with tears rolling down their faces as they mourned their friends and loved ones who responded to a tragedy, not thinking of themselves, but putting the people in the tower first and running up those stairs.

We continued to walk around ground zero and noticed that people were filing down into the actual site. Shortly, we heard a loud speaker from the site and saw people lining up in front of a microphone. Then, the first name was read... I can't recall the name, but it was someone who was reading the name of a loved one... then the next person came forward and read a name. One by one, each name of every person who died at that site was read by a loved one, who stated the person's name and what relationship they had with them... brother, father, sister, husband, wife, son, daughter. By this time, our group had stopped and I truly felt like I could go no further. We just listened...then we started hearing, police officer, fireman... unbelievable. At this point, we couldn't even continue our tour, it was overwhelming.

When I think of those fighting for our freedom and our right to be safe from terrorists and whomever else wants to take those freedoms from us... this is the moment that I remember and I know that those who fight for me and my family do so at great risk. Our thanks can never be enough.

But that isn't the only type of freedom that I'm thinking about today. There's another kind of freedom that also wasn't free. I have a friend who suffered from a horrible illness. Towards the end of his life, you couldn't even recognize him. Just as someone who suffers from cancer can become frail and broken and unlike themselves, so did our friend who suffered from a completely different illness. My kids ask why bad things happen... and we have to tell them about a world that is much different than the one that God had planned for us. A fallen world, where sin is part of life and bad things happen to both good and bad people and that illness is not what God wanted for us. But God is gracious and merciful and good and He made sure that we had our freedom. Our friend is now whole and healed and free to worship God without the restraints of our world.

God's gift of freedom was most certainly not free. It cost God everything. Yet, He willingly and purposefully sent His Son, Jesus, so that we will now be free from the chains of guilt and shame and pain and suffering and sin and in the future, be free from eternity without Him.

So, today as we are remembering our Independence Day... it is certainly two-fold. First..be thankful for those who serve in our military and defend our freedoms and keep us safe from things like another 9/11. Secondly, be thankful to God for our freedom through Christ for a life that is abundantly more than we can ever ask or imagine. "So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." John 8:36

A Christian Walk, What? Huh?

Have you ever wondered about that? Our journey to become more like Christ is most often called the Christian Walk. Have you ever been on a walk that was leisurely, with no rocks to turn an ankle, no curbs, no hills, no sudden rainstorms? I may have had that walk once or twice, but it's a vague memory.

i like to think of our journey to become more like Christ as "the Extreme Christian olympics) - please, no one be offended by my analogy... I'm just blogging here! We train for our whole lives, but as anyone who trains hard knows, you can't train exactly the same way every day or you'll hit an impasse and have a time of no muscle growth, no faster time, etc. Your training varies as your life varies.

One day our Extreme Christian Olympics training is run by Bob the trainer. Bob is sweet and caring and he wants us to succeed with our training that day. We speed walk on a completely rut and rock free track. We jog nicely on the treadmill on 3 with no incline. We swim 10 laps in the Jacuzzi. Then we rest and eat subway and at the end of our training day, we rest on the patio with a book... and eat smores. Our day was about dedication and perseverance and consistency and we did that.

Day 2 at our training camp brings Jillian and I'm terrified. I know that Jillian will make me cry in the first 5 minutes and then I will puke in the next 5 minutes and that will be repeated throughout the day. Our day consists of running seven miles through a mud bog while having people lob leeches at us. Running on the treadmill on a 10 incline with 30 second sprints at 10 miles per hour...no hanging on with your hands... don't do it!!! The day ends with 4 of your friends lowering you through the roof into the ambulance to get the care you need to be back tomorrow for another day. Today we learned about dedication and digging deep. We may have to work on that one again.

Day 3 Let's try teamwork...Bob and Jill say let's all work together today. We're climbing Mount Everest and no one gets to start back until everyone has reached the top. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? That will take all day... I don't have all day, I've got a pedicure planned, Kohl's is having a sale, $10 Kohls dollars back for every $50 purchased...you all better climb fast. You reach the top in record time....standing there tapping your toe, muttering under your breath about those that didn't really learn the lessons on day 1 and 2. You see Bob, who came in second mind you, touch the top and turn back down...."wait, everyone has to reach the top first before...but you can't finish because Bob is back with Betty, who know joins Bob and heads back again, both arrive with Becky and so on. You watch in disgust as each one gets more and more tired with each trip down to help someone else. They can't even make it up the hill without help, how will they ever get back down again. As the last person has barely made it up the hill, you start down, on your own. Fast... much to do, much to do. Not really watching. The loose rocks make the path slippery and you start to go down. Pain... I think it's only a strain. How in the world am I going to get down the hill on my own. I've got to get down on my own.... Then one person stops, 2, 3,4... Making a fireman's chair to carry you. You resist, they insist. You sit... they carry. When they tire, 4 others take over, when they tire, 4 more. And you are down. That my friend is the lesson for day number 3.

Day 4 = light day. Do a little jogging, a little swimming, rest, refresh.

Day 5 - Illness wins on this day - 0ne does not survive. Many others in critical condition, many others hurting in ways we don't even understand. Our lessons... can we use those... have we trained long enough? Did we learn the lessons? Dedication, Persistance, consistancy, digging deep, pulling through with nothing left to give, loyalty, compassion, teamwork, family work, going to the finish. WOW! Did I learn all that. Great... those are some great things to learn and know about and have in my brain. But did you do what I asked you to do? Huh, I say knowledgeably. I did what you asked, I trained, I learned, right...Did you do what I asked you to do? As in, do? Yep! Uh, no, not really, but I learned it really well, trained hard... Bob and Jill, killers you know, take no prisoners. Did you learn empathy, compassion, mercy, grace...these are things that can't be learned and not done.
You mean all this training was for nothing? Only if you choose to not do what I've asked you to do.... WHAT? What am I to do: You are the salt of the earth, the light of the world, love your neighbor as yourself, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, fast, pray, build your house on a rock, have faith like a mustard seed, ask and it shall be given, seek and you will find, forgive 70 times 7 times, be ready, do not bury your talents, love on each other, lower your friend to help, support them no matter the length of time, be Ruth and Naomi, be Peter, be James and John, be the woman at the well, be Mary and ponder things in your heart, be Esther and change your world, go and make disciple of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always until the end of the age.

Compassion, mercy, grace, forgiveness, character, loved, wonder, awe, assurance, beauty, belief, steadfastness, clarity, discernment, brokenness, wholeness,captivated, celebration, reverence, cleansed, comforted, peace, crucified, blameless, shameless, delivered, empathy, hopeful, integrity, alive, forgiven, miraculous, priceless, truth, I once was lost but now am found, was blind but now I see. These are the lessons learned during Extreme Christian Olympics Training, which by the way lasts the rest of your life!! You will see Bob and Jillian again, along with God and the Holy Spirit.

All this to say... we have great needs happening in our local world right now. A family in crisis unlike any crisis most of us have ever experienced. Our lessons have been well taught and sometimes hard fought. And truthfully, some have been learned kicking and screaming... but still learned. Are you compassionate? Can you bestow your gift of compassion on the Borrmanns and Burlesons? Have you been trained in love? Empathy? Hope? Celebration? How can you use that training to love on them? Be creative... be sympathetic, be sensitive to their needs, Use that training for something other than more training. Use it to be God's hands, feet, mouth, arms, hugs, car mechanic, house cleaner, meal maker/freezer person, Maybe you've been trained in giving? GIVE! If you are trained in compassion, be compassionate. You know who you are and what you've learned. Make God proud of the time and effort you and He have put in together in this life. Pass it on!! Go ye therefore....

Blessings,
Brenda